Writing a memoir is scary. Many of my clients fear what their friends will think. What their relatives will think. The critics! The recent firestorm of scorn speaks for itself. This guy thinks Harry shouldn’t be invited to the Coronation. Another bellows that Harry has betrayed his family. Still another, the worst one of all, one hates Harry’s wife Meghan. He wishes she would be forced to walk naked through the streets while people throw excrement at her. They complain that Harry and Meghan are using the royals to make money and get attention. I ask you, British Press, aren’t you doing the same thing? With provable falsehoods and criminal behavior?

But my focus is on Writers. Of us all, writers are the ones who think. Who ask questions. Who speak out. The critics accuse Prince Harry of being “Woke,” these days an unforgivable sin. There seems to be a snarling reaction to those who care about others. Why?

Harry hired a professional (I submit we all need help from the pros— it’s just too hard to do it on your own). JR Moehringer wrote the best-selling Andre Agassi memoir, “Open,” as well as his own story, “The Tender Bar.” A master of the genre, Moehringer created a true memoir, not just a chronological account so common in celebrity books.

The story works on multiple levels. It brings out the man versus society trope as it pits the young prince against the forces of complacency and the monarchy itself. It develops the complex relationships between Harry and his brother, Harry and his father, Harry and his stepmother. On the deepest level of all, it develops Harry’s inner world as he tries to come to terms with his role as “Spare.”

To be fair to the critics, there are missteps for sure. Prince Harry makes an unkind remark about William. Another about one of his teachers at school. He publishes the fact that he killed twenty-five Taliban. His critics take these comments out of context and make it seem the whole book is mean-spirited. If I were his coach, I would have suggested eliminating these remarks for that reason alone. But again, critics will look for these moments and expound upon them. If they’re looking for something to complain about, they will find it.

As the uproar dies down, those who actually read the book seem to be coming forward, saying, “Wait a minute. This is really a good book.”

What makes it so good? It’s not the insightful look at famous people. It’s not the descriptions of the castles (though I’m a fan). It’s not the undisputed quality of the writing. It’s a true memoir, with a point to make, and a reason to be written. If there is one takeaway that applies to us all, it would be “Do not allow yourself to be defined by others.” As any human, Harry has the right to tell his own story. Author and writer’s advocate Anne Lamott says, “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

For all of his life, others have told the “Harry” life story. They’ve branded him a Nazi, a coward, an ingrate, a drug addict, a dolt. Any youthful indiscretion he made became global headlines. (Still want to be famous?) At close to forty years old, he clearly needs to examine his own life and write his own story—both for the historical record and for his own sake.

The sheer act of writing a memoir forces a writer to remember all the events, including the joys and the hurts. To grapple with the emotional roller-coaster that is life. Finally to ask yourself, what’s it all about? By taking pen to paper, you can take the first step on that journey. You alone get to decide the meaning of your story. The meaning of your life.
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